The Power of Choice

If it were up to me, I'd probably skip the whole free will thing. It's so messy and unpredictable and I like to have my variables bounded and my ducks in a row. But, Alas, I am not God. (Good thing!) God on the other hand, in His infinite wisdom, decided to give man free will: the ability to choose what we want!  And we all know that children are notorious for employing their free will at an early age.  But how often do our attempts to direct and discipline children work against free will instead of employing the power of choice? Ah, Choice. The essence of Free Will. Let's take a closer look at this powerful human element.

Choice is everywhere.  Marketers have certainly figured it out as they offer kids every color, flavor and shape under the sun to sell their products.  God made it clear from the beginning of time that we must be partners in our own lives.  Even death and life are in our hands to choose. Or more specifically in our mouths. In Proverbs 18: 22 God says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”  God gives us a hint about what would be best for us: “Choose life!”  But even though God gives us His personal recommendation on these crucial options, amazingly He still lets us choose!

Since it was God’s idea, it makes sense that choice is hard wired into us and not going anywhere.  Giving man a choice was His best plan for creating humans capable of true worship.  However hard it is it to plan classes for children and guide their behavior, we must learn to work WITH and not AGAINST free will.   And as it turns out, attempts to bypass choice and insist instead on conformity can have disastrous results later on.  Let’s work smarter!

Since it was God’s idea, let’s first identify of a few important aspects about choice. Here are just a few to consider:

1. Respecting someone’s free will puts us squarely in God’s corner. 

God Himself will not break someone’s free will, but let’s people choose even if He knows their choice may bring them hurtful consequences.  This is sobering.  Although we would love to direct our children down the path of least pain and greatest wisdom, if we force them to do right instead of letting them chose it for themselves, we could ultimately find ourselves fighting against God.

2. Requiring someone to do something against their free will actually encourages rebellion.  As soon as we make legal demands on someone such as “you should do this” or “you have to do that” everything in the human nature, the flesh, flares up and says” Don’t tell me what to do!”  There is only so long even diligent people can keep the law in their own strength before realizing that it is futile to keep trying. By continuing to insist that children obey instead of finding ways to encourage them to choose to do so of their own free will, we could, in fact, become accomplices of rebellion instead of influencers for obedience.

3. Allowing someone to freely choose ensures that they OWN their experience and internalize the reality of it.  This is especially true when it comes to choosing a relationship with God. Even children can express their love and gratitude to God in unique ways. And if they chose to do so, they are more likely to have a genuine experience with God. Let’s be honest, there is no one right way to worship God, and no way to know from the outside who is actually loving God from the heart and who is not.  We simply cannot guarantee a child is right in their heart when we use our influence to make them go along with our rules, or stand and clap, or require them to participate in any other activity. Indeed, there is great power in being able to freely choose.

How can we respect the power of choice that God has given our children and still develop them in the skill of choosing wisely?

Three ways to harness the power of choice.

1. Let Kids Choose to Cooperate –

For younger children, ask the child that has trouble with transitions if they would like to be the line leader.  Let the line leader choose which animal we will be as we move from one space to another or one activity to the next. When it’s time for older children to sit for service, you can employ choices.  Even if you are trying to fill front rows, intentionally ask them if they would like an aisle seat or a middle seat.  When you are about to announce the memory verse, let them choose if they want to be drums or trumpets as you drum roll and announce the verse.  Once you realize the power of choice, you can find endless creative ways to employ it to encourage willing cooperation!

2. Let Kids Choose How They Participate –

During altar calls or prayer times, give children options.  Rather than asking everyone to bow their heads and pray, tell them they have several choices.  If someone would like to, they can go to a prayer card table and fill out a prayer request, or the children can choose to come to the altar area up front and spend time talking privately with God.  The children can find a teacher in the room to pray with them, or they can stay in their seats and worship or wait quietly for everyone else to be done while we play a low worship song, being respectful to not talk or disturb others who have chosen one of the other options.

In this way, we are not forcing anyone to participate or do something they are not willing or ready to do, but we have outlined clear choices that respect others.  Notice that giving kids this choice does not mean they are free to do whatever they want.  They cannot use this time as social visiting time or get up and run around the room.  But by clearly giving choices that include anyone from a visitor who is new to regulars who want to go deeper, you have made choices that encourage participation and foster respect for others.

Small groups is another great time to incorporate choice.  Some young children are shyer than others about speaking in front of their peers.  Others are more vocal and often dominate every time the leader asks for participation. Have paper and pen always available.  Tell children that they can speak or write their answers down.  Even young children can draw a picture of something related to the questions. You can ask if they would like to share their answer with the group. Again, give directed choices.  Let them know that this isn’t a time to draw your favorite Marvel character.  We can do that later in centers. But offering multiple options can encourage them to choose how they want to participate. 

3. Let Kids Choose to Collaborate.

Another great way to harness the power of choice is to offer children opportunities to collaborate.  The number of options you can offer will be determined by the level of commitment you have from class teachers and mentors willing to work with the children. Kids can choose to come up front and help with a game or illustrated sermon. Even children who often misbehave will straighten up and raise their hand when given this option.  Others might be willing to choose to come early or stay after to help set up or break down chairs or centers.  This is an especially useful way to employ children whose parents arrive early or late due to their own service commitments.  And if you are ready for an adventure with multiplied benefits to kids, you could develop a team of young leaders from your older kids or preteens who could choose to commit to being a part of your team alongside you in ministry, or in preparing creative elements like skits and videos.  Although this last idea requires putting in extra practice time or energy, for both your kids and their mentors, the rewards of encouraging this level of collaboration are off-the-charts.

These more challenging collaborative choices come with greater responsibility and also consequences if they do not come through. Be sure to outline specifically what the choices mean for kids that you feel are ready for more responsibility. Children are capable of serving and joining ministry teams.  Let’s not deny those who are ready for the opportunity to use their gifts and talents and to develop a heart to serve alongside caring mentors. (If you would like to learn more about mentoring kids through apprenticeship ministry, I recommend reading One Giant Leap, the story of how I learned the value of apprenticeship ministry and how to get started.)

We cannot deny the reality or the positive aspects surrounding the power of choice in encouraging children to cooperate, participate and collaborate. With prayerful brainstorming, I know that you will find ways to use this power to yours and the kids’ advantage!